First this happened:
Then this happened:
Me: Why is it that when you travel you don’t cook for Min and me?
Him: I AM VERY THOUGHTFUL.
Me: I know you’re very thoughtful. Although a thoughtful person would not say they’re thoughtful.
Him: Well, I am…VERY THOUGHTFUL.
Me: Okay, so then why wouldn’t you be thoughtful enough to stock the fridge while you’re away? I mean, taking care of a toddler is really time-consuming.
Him: I know it is. Fine. I guess I’m not thoughtful at all.
Me: Fine. But I still want to know why most men don’t think along the same lines as women would for this specific issue.
Him: So you’re saying you think I’m not thoughtful?
Me: I think we’ve already established that you and I both think you’re thoughtful. Although, you’re starting to boarder on a little conceited…and also hostile.
Him: No!
Me: Yes.
Him: No!
Me: I’m feeling like this conversation has taken a wrong turn. Maybe we should start again…Why is it that when you travel…
Him: No! I already know! Okay, don’t ask again. It’s because…there are some things that you do more often and some things that I do more often. I work so much I haven’t been cooking as much. And when would I even have time to prepare meals for you guys when I’m always at work?
Me: You do know that TAKING CARE OF A TODDLER IS A FULL-TIME JOB, RIGHT? And I still prepare food for you when I travel.
Him: I know it is. But maybe there are some things that men do and some things that women do. Maybe that’s just how our brains work. Maybe those are just the roles we have in our family.
Me: So you’re saying that gender roles dictate that I cook while you work?
Him: THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M SAYING!
Me: Then what are you saying? Ahem…hostile…cough…cough.
Him: No. I’m saying…okay. Would you have unpacked the entire car in the rain and then gone to all the way to guest lot to switch the car seat and move the cars and then brought all our stuff inside?
Me: …
Him: See? There are just some things that I do and some things you do.
Me: I AM VERY THOUGHTFUL.
Him: I know you are.
Me: No, I am. THE MOST THOUGHTFUL PERSON.
Him: Sabreen, are you being hostile?
Me: YOU ARE AND SO IS YOUR MOM!
Yeah, I don’t know. I default to ‘your mom’ when I can’t think of anything else to say. I do the same thing to Min when he annoys me. And then I remember, I’m his mom.
I should probably work on a better comeback.
I reflected on the conversation The Boss and had and I realized he had a point. Our marriage has always been based on each of us making an effort, no matter what that effort is. It may not be that we always cook and clean and earn and care for Min in equal amounts, but we’ve always been really dedicated to making sure we’re taking care of the each other and being mindful of each other’s needs and wants. Of course there have been times, and will be times, when each of our needs and wants can’t be met right away. But knowing there is an unwavering effort propelled by sincerity on the part of your spouse is often what counts the most.
There have been times when The Boss and I have flipped traditional gender roles heels over head, and times when we’ve settled into them willingly and comfortably. I’m sure the nature of our partnership will continue to shift and sway as it has in the past and that’s okay.
But having said that, I’m still not sure who’s gonna cook for me in December. And for the record, no, I wouldn’t have wanted to swap the cars/seat in the rain. Unless The Boss needed me to. In which case I would have ran upstairs with Min and said, “I was gonna give the baby a bath, so…”
#YourMom
